geoffs-normal-real-report
Title: geoffs-normal-real-report
Author: Geoff "gsiva" Snider
Date: Jan 28, 2001
saturday morning i woke up at like 9am. soo tired, oh so tired...(yawn). i always set my alarm for about 10am, and my second alarm for about 10:15 (becuase i never get up for the first one, but it kinda wakes me up). "snooze" was truly invented for the slacker in me. so i stare at the ceiling for about an hour, and then the phone rings (it’s 11:30) and it’s my good buddy Joe Alread. he’s like "dude! i’m out of prize support after that last tournament, and can you bring a box of white border so we have some?" so i dig through my closet for a box...old sweaters...old socks...clippers...L5R Koku stash in a shoebox...porn mags...stuffed animal bear...box of legos...books...WHOA here’s the stash, and here’s 1 box of UL SWCCG. awesome. so i get in the shower and wash my hair with denorex (cause my scalp gets really REALLY dry in winter months. then i use soap for the rest of my 2000 parts (irish spring sport...it’s the grooviest!). the whole time i’ve been listening to 40 oz to Freedom (sublime) and singin’ along...and bugging my neighbors with the bass from the stereo. so i get out of the shower and brush my teeth with Crest Tarter Control. it’s a really good toothpaste, and the way it tingles against my gums is very pleasurable. so i get dressed in jeans, a t-shirt, etc, and then put my shoes on, toss on my coat, and i’m out the door with a box of White Border under one arm and a smile on my face. i get into my Honda Civic Hatchback DX (silver, ’96, stick) and drive about 1/2 mile to the store. i run the place, but the owner (kyle) has already been there for an hour. i head down to the basement, slowly walking down the rug-covered stairs because the rug is gradually coming apart from the wood. it’s very easy to fall, and so i take my time. Joe Alread, Jason Lumsden, James Bottoms, Mike Kalmbach, David Jetter, myself, Aaron Komar, Scott Komar, Colin Komar, Ron Maier, Newbie guy who’s name i can’t remember, and someone else....OH YEAH!!! Kashyyyk’s own Steve Brentson made an appearance! so joe says "hey round 1 is starting" so i pay my $1 (which goes to the store to pay for refurbishing the basement where we play) and i sit down to play my first game against David Jetter’s Watch Your Step deck. i sit in a rickety brown folding chair...yes it’s the same kind you used to sit in for "assembly hour" at the grade school gymnasium when you were in 4th grade. i’d heard some pretty nasty things about WYS for the last few weeks since R2 had been released, but nothing could prepare me for the annoyance that massive retrieval would cause me during the course of this game.
game 1 my BHBM big blue "blitzkrieg" vs. Dave Jetter’s WYS w/MANY kessel runs
i get off to a monster start by dropping the emperor to the ds2 docking bay, and some 1 deploy monkey the the executor docking bay AND getting out rendili + emperor’s power. he draws cards after deploying the lars farm and the audience chamber AND kessel. my second turn i get 18 force, so i deploy thunderflare and 3 pilots to the tatooine system...then draw. he then proceeds to deploy dash in the outrider and tries to run around...but i stomp dash for about 10 cards with thrawn and 3 destiny on another star destroyer. mirax makes an appearance and completes two kessel runs...oh well. i’ve now got a constant drain of 6 up and running with a star destroyer at Kessel, Correllia, Tatooine, and the Lars Farm (where i b1tch beat the lars family). luke is trying to teleport around and cancel my walker’s immunity, but he is beat into the stone-age by 3 destiny from Igar and 2 other pilots in a blizzard walker (ozzel was the extra passenger who was just there to soak up the attrition). Corran Horn (yes, he payed 10 to deploy corran horn) get’s beaten down for another 8 cards by epp vader, and i eventually chase luke to the point where he hides in the audience chamber. harvest was played two times, kessel run was completed 2 times, but in the end, the drain of 8/turn broke the camel’s back (and secret plans did it’s part as well). FW (+11)
2 (+11)
game 2 my Hidden Phil vs Newbie’s Ralltir Done Right
at this point i’m the lowest ranked dark player, so i get matched up against the newbie. he has a ralltir deck that i told him to make the week before (because he’s still kinda clueless as to HOW exactly to run a deck at all). i told him "use Hunter’s Ralltir Done Right" because it seems to work pretty well. well i try and guide him through what he’s doing, but it’s clear that the only way this guy will learn is by beating the snot out of him so he knows what NOT to do next time. details? no details. you all know what it’s like to play against someone who hasn’t a clue, and so i won’t embarass the guy by pointing out his specific mistakes. i felt dirty. FW (+35)
4 (+46)
game 3 dark vs. Joe Alread’s TIGIH
joes deck is a basic template of the same deck he’s been running for like the last 4 years that i’ve known him. all i have to do is not fu(K up and i will own him...but NOOO!!! i specifically run 2 emperor’s so that if i activate him, i will still be able to deploy him from reserve on turn 1. there’s an emperor in my opening hand AND THE OTHER ONE IS ACTIVATED!!! AAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!! he moves luke to the Endor DB and begins to drain me for 2 (paying 3 from battle order) and deploying docking bays. i’m not about to start losing 2 each turn and risk an epp beatdown just to cancel that extra force generation, so i sit and try to get my force gen battery up and running...and by the time i do, he’s drained me for about 8, and has 8 ships at kessel. i cannot fight him there, for risk of losing battles, so vader takes luke and tries to duel him (i figure that this will even out the force loss from kessel), and at the same time i try to put walkers at the rendili docking bay to drain for 2 (with an AO that i play with). i have 7 AO’s out of the 12 cards in my reserve deck, so the chance of drawing two of them for duelling destiny is a good 75% or so. i get a 1 and a 6, and joe draws a 6 and a 5 (no he had 0 tracked up until this point because we hadn’t yet fought a battle...and he hadn’t used any admirals orders or played bith shuffle yet)...but he beats me. i put a card on "i can feel the conflict" and at this point i asess my situation. i’m about 35 cards in the whole, i’ve drained him for about 5, and he’s ahead of me with "stacked cards" for purposes of turning someone. ack. this is the way most of our games against each other go. someone will pull an advantage (mostly due to luck) at an early point in the game, and the other one will become completely demoralized and quit. so i quit and give him the +29 win (no i hadn’t counted how many force he had, but i don’t think it really would’ve mattered). FL (-29)
4 (+17)
game 4 LS vs. Ron Maier’s court with dudes
ron’s court consisted of every dark side main character, and i think he’d be better off running the deck as a huntdown deck (so he could do direct damage because ben/luke wouldn’t be out...as opposed to having to keep EVERY character off tatooine to do the damage with court). he starts out by putting jabba in the Achamber, and i get out tatooine and endor. i start battle plan, so he’s not draining me. he just puts down someone with jabba (i think it’s gailid) and draws (at this point he’s activating about 8 a turn). i get out alderaan and aquaris, and slap wedge down at aquaris (i have hyper escape in hand) and crix by himself at the audience chamber (i have It’s a trap in hand as well) and save about 6 force. he tries to send crix to an early grave by sending buelo, mara w/stick, and ephont mon, but IT’S A TWAP!!! (yes...TWAP, because that’s how James Bottoms would say it). on my next turn, i’m getting an @ssload of force from aquaris, etc, and so i send orrimarko and melas to the sarlacc pit, i flip HB after deploying coruscant and kessel, deploy SUPER DUPER falcon to kessel, and move wedge to coruscant. he goes for the gusto and deploys LORD vader w/blizzard scout 1 to the sarlacc, tramples crix and fights me..but doesn’t cut anyone, and draws a 0 for destiny...he has to lose blizzard scout 1. i drain for 6 and just run to the next tatooine site (i think docking bay 94, or the <>docking bay). he’s holding 3 sites, but has to pay 9 to drain me for 1....heh. he sends zuckass in mist hunter w/jodo kast to coruscant for -2, and i hyper x-scape (and i mean X, because that’s how eddie murphy said it on his SNL christmas special way back in the 80’s). i track Fall of the Legend so i can draw a 6 and make him lose jodo and ZIMH. spiral, cracken, and Scout Jedi Luke bring the battle to zuckass, and whoa...6. he loses both, and i have 3 systems...so i’m now running around tatooine with Melas, Twass Kha, AND orrimarko...and he’s got a 4 abililty alien at all 3 locations. whoopadeedoo. i track "throw phil another phil" and retrieve 5 with OTEdge, then play OMDH to retrieve anther 9 or 10. he hasn’t probed my base, and cannot pay 9 to drain for 1, so he concedes. i let him (cause you can’t draw up against HB) because i have 1 card in my lost pile. FW +40
6 (+57)
game 5 LS vs. Joe Alread’s Court Mains and Toys (the one which won Origins last summer)
i know that i can win this, because he starts security precautions...and NOT bad feeling have i (which screws my ability to go to tatooine AND messes up my lando space mojo)...so he goes first and drops Mara w/Sabre to the jundland wastes AND BAD FEELING HAVE I...what the f uck! now i’m pissed. so mara wouldn’t be so bad because of battle order and sec.precautions wouldn’t be so bad because i retrieve alot, and bad feeling wouldn’t be so bad because i activate alot BUT HE GOT THEM ALL ON THE FIRST FU(KING TURN!!! okay i’m done b1tching now. so i try to keep a presence on tatooine, but it’s pretty hard with SAC, YAB, Barriers, etc keeping my characters to a minimun...not to mention Bad Feeling Have I. i get Wise Advice/do or do not out pretty early, and i make him lose about 9 cards to it (because he’s stopping OTE and BithShuffle/DesperateReach, etc), but i’m losing 3+ each turn from drains, and he has no escape so HotJedi isn’t doing squat. i finally flip hidden base near the end and begin draining for 6/turn, but i cannot draw a OMDH (of which i play 3) and the turn i DO get one, he eliminates 3x 4-abiltiy characters from tatooine. he probes my base (which he knows is alderaan because he’s seen my deck, and i didn’t think he’d be playing in AND running the tournament) and i lose 8 to security precautions...AND i lose to S&D AND i lose to his drains, so i’m down to 2 force, and my own battle order does me in. FL (-16)
6 (+41)
game 6 DS vs. james bottoms’ TIGIH
this is pretty much a no-brainer for me, but it’s fun to play against james....so anyhoo:
he lets luke sit at the hut for like...6 turns or so, and i set up a star destroyer at rendili, tempest 1 w/igar at endor docking bay, and wait for him to bring the hurt...’cause i have the emperor at the DSII throne room w/Emperor’s Power. he wins the first battle at the docking bay by 1 force(with GenSolo and CoK), and igar dies. i reinforce and beat the snot out of han by 9. he sends a Tala fighter w/blount and landing claw to rendili to stop my drain of 1, and after i don’t reinforce (i have an AO out which gives me "immune to <4" and i have a 7 forfeit pilot) he sends Lando in Gold1 and detaches to fight me. i draw a 2 (which he is immune to) and i lose my pilot...and he has 2 cards on "i can feel the conflict." i come back with Chimaera, Thrawn, and Godherdt....draw 3 destiny...he loses lando and falcon, and during my move phase, i cancel landing claw...he’s like OH SH1T i didn’t see that. so on his turn he lands the tala fighter. i deploy lord vader w/cabbel and blizzard walker and take blout for like...8 cards...so now i have 3 cards on Insig.Rebellion. vader shuttles up to a star destroyer in fear of luke coming to turn him, and my 2nd Igar/Ozzel/Lennox on Blizzard walker are battling and retrieving 1 every turn against an arcona (i think i retrived like 6 force from doing this). i’m now draining for 4/turn at both endor and rendili docking bays and the rendili system, and i’m about to start duelling luke with tracked AO’s...but james give up while i have 25 cards left to his 4 or 5. FW (+25)
8 (+66)
well we finish the tournament, and joe gives out my box of white border premiere...i get vader’s stick and falcon (which go to the newbie who played ralltir), and i get a foil Battle Plan since joe doesn’t want it.
since you all wanted TONS OF DETAILS, now you know what kind of toothpast i use, and what kind of FU(KING CAR I DRIVE and what kind of things i do when i play ....or something like that....
are you FU(KING HAPPY NOW???? DO YOU WANT PROPS AND
FU(KING SLOPS TOO???? FINE!!!
props go to:
jason lumsden for showing up AGAIN (which he’s been really bad at lately
joe for giving me his foil battle plan
Newbie guy for takin’ it like a man
James for saying "IT’S A TWAP" (olsen i bet you’re laughing your @ss off about that right now)
Ron Maier for making like...0 big mistakes (he’s usually making lots of mistakes...and cursing himself for it)
Komar brothers for putting us at 12 for the day (which has been the most we’ve had in a long time)
slops go to:
CHRIS JANIAK, MATT LUSH, DOUG TAYLOR, CLINT HAYS, PRESTON HUNT, MIKE GIRARD, and everyone else (you know who you are) who thinks that stupid WYS deck is nigh unbeatable. you can all suck me. (heh)
alread, for getting bad feeling have i on the draw (curses!!)
alread, for @#$%ing about having to wait an hour to get into the steakhouse (even though it’s a busy saturday night and that should be expected when you go out to eat without reservations).
ron maier, for wanting me to trade him something good for that stupid effect that whacks IG-88.
newbie guy, for making a disgrace of Ralltir Done Right...even though it’s not really his fault.
FU(K YOU to all you people who were like "wahhh...i want to see all the details...wahhh...."
here...i’ll call the "wahhhmbulance for ya! dial nine-wahhhhn- wahhhn"
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