vegas-in-my-pants
Title: vegas-in-my-pants
Author: Danny "Skuff D" Rider
Date: Mar 8, 2001
So the tournament will be run by Donnie, a 16 (yes 16.) yr old who according to Vegas legend, if you are unable to beat, you will not only suffer the ridicule of small children but must also retire from the game and let a fat man named Porko to give it to you upp the arss! (aight, I threw that last bit in there but you really would have to suffer humiliation.) I had practiced the night before and was confident in my dark deck. My light side still needs to be improved, starting with a new deck! But we’ll get to that later (I sound like my girlfriend...) Anyhow this is what I am going into the tourney:
Average White Guy standing 5’11". Enjoys walks on the beach, making goofy comments and is a Libra/Scorpio on the cusp baby!
Ranking of 1590
Playing DS My Rumors of the Rim
Playing LS MWYHL to 6
Playing with himself is a small monkey named Bibo. He too will cum later in this story...
Game 1
Vs, Matt Berta ranked high (i’m not looking up ratings at 2 in the morning. You want ’em, get them yourself! lazy bunch of bastards!)
His LS Throne Room Vs. My Rumors
Matt, lo and behold is one of the guys I played the night before and we tried unsuccesfully to make a Asteroid deck. Well I tried, he just tried to beat it. (sidenote, seeing the Executor getting trashed by a Big One is hilarious) And we even played these two decks against each other. I did change one thing in my deck to compensate and the deck is tighter than ever.
So, we set up and I get my stuff going. Perimeter Patrol, Merrijik, Janus, no Ephant Mon at Bunker (I don’t need him) Set up the Rumor and 3rd turn have a drain of 5 going at sullust with a fortified SD, Chiraneu and Friends. Matt can’t see this happening the first game and he decides to move to endor and drain me for 1 and activate some force. I plop u-3p0 and continue to draw for space dominance. He goes for the Home 1 and drops Epp Han, Luke and liea but doesn’t battle. He puts out the tank though. This threw me but ok. I’ll SHUOSHD the bacta tank,load up the system with some cheap pilots, SD’s and stuff. I lost my I Had no Choice but decide not to barrier, cause it’ll be more fun to see him squirm. He runs. I gravity shadow. He grabs it but it doesn’t work. Either way, I drain for 5 the next turn. He comes back with some fodder Mirax and the outrider. I get set and let him battle me, reacting with the accuser for 3 (thanx piett and ozzell!) Play Scruffy looking, main course and reduce his power and attrition by 14. But I have to lose 7 to attrition. I’ll toss a 2/2/ scrub. Thanx IAO and Palleon! Win that battle by like 26. HE tosses everyone and flees for 4 force to endor. I lat damage the home one and beat it up and win the game.
FW 10
The Good: Beating Matt. Never happened before except for practice the night before.
The Bad: Losing I Had No choice. I was all set to bribe Han from not participating...
The Ugly: Palleon. The dude is almost as bad as Lennox. I don’t care if you do make my scrubs awesome, get a facelift man!
Game 2
Vs. Shane Watner
BHBM vs. Test to 6
Should I go into this? The whole game sucked. My opening hand was great if I wasn’t trying to do a test deck. I couldn’t get yoda or Liea till turn 3 I even botched test 2. He had such a lockdown 3rd turn on his battleground it was sick to even try to deploy thier. Mara, Iggy, Dr. E. and Snoova. I mean cmon... So We dueled and I made him lose force for his objective, which narrowed down his diff.
FL by like 28 I think.
The Good: Donnie said something funny. Basically the whole game was good...for Shane.
The Bad: Your face. If you expect me to go into detail, grab a chair and your mom.
The Ugly: Dr. E. We all knew this but nobody has told the good dr. to operate on himself...
By this time the monkey Bibo is screaming something about bannanas and Star Wars, Donnie is wearing a tutu and I’m on crack. Also it’d be good to mention that there is now a sticky spot on the floor where Bibo was residing...
Game 4
Vs. Chris Hines
His Test to 6 vs. My DS
I got the idea for my LS deck from Chris and we’re both changing objectives. Why use the Rumors? oh for janus, that’s why! Unluckily Janus did not see the game. But my Sd’s sure did. They also saw Home One again. After some time spent having him run in terror, he decides to battle, I overwhelm him in power and sack a scrub. He loses everything but DS2 super falcon and tries to flee. Oh, wait, Gravity Shadow says you can’t! Ugh, next turn Lat Damage and the game goes my way. Ending it on a solid note, I trounce Gen. Solo and wookiee friend with Vader and I have you now.
FW by 12
The Good: I had some time to doze. Also beating Chris is cool cause I’ve done it only once before. Do I even need to go into the power of my DS? I’ll save that for my deck post.
The Bad: Winning by so little. Him actually having the back door so he could move into my bunker.
The Ugly: Nein Numb. You just want to grab those ears and tug! Also the sight of Bibo monkey raping Donnie was terrible. I’m still flinching.
Game 4
Vs. Chris Hines
SYCFA Space Vs my LS
We tested this last night and the tournament before. He still one, just with a lower diff. I wasn’t able to flip due to a deploy of Liea from hand. I couldn’t hang in space and I couldn’t stand the thought of Racheal and Ross not being together. Don’t you see, they belong together! oh wait, uh yah so He trahsed me, but not before I swatted some back door action. My only problem was taking u-3po instead of just breaking his cover then causing damage with r-3p0. Chris got his revenge by Lat. Damage my DS 2 falcon and I whimpered. I almost completed test 6 as Vader came to visit his daughter at Dagobah but he tracked a 6 and she failed. So that was game. Or as we say in Vegas..."In my Pants!"
FL by 14 or 22? who knows. At this point Donnie is leaving, not even staying to pool results. But Local Super Hero, Tim Guzman steps in and takes over the end of the tourney.
The Good: I did your sister.
The Bad: She was loose.
The Ugly: I found her High school ring...(yah, I know.)
So after stepping over Bibo, amazed that I won strongly against 2 good players and proud that I did use the force...in my pants! We all celebrate with some food and the traditional mocking of the losers and lowly folk. I placed 8th out of 12 or something but by this point nobody cares, they just want to see Bibo dance...
Hey, I’m ready for bed, but is bed ready for me?
**Note: I am not on crack just severely demented and sleep deprived. And I really did do your sister. Just ask her where her class ring is...