s-2-3-5-12-13-in-the-world-unite
Title: s-2-3-5-12-13-in-the-world-unite
Author: michael "Deck" Gemme
Date: Jun 4, 2001
Yeah.. thats what i said. Hayes Hunter, Johnny Chu, Chris Twigg, Brian Twigg and BASTIAN DEATH STAR WINKLEHAUS decide to all come to this jank tournament for a box of tatooine. Why do they need all this tatooine? They all buy lots of tatooine?? OH. Time to playtest for ramapo.
So bastian flies to the US of A to stay with hayes and his brother eric (winner of the albany bounty tourney). and the twiggs just decide that chu and themselves will make a 3 hour car ride to steal my rating points (im currently 1717 after getting F’d out of 30). Anyways, me and steebo are pumped up becuase we have NO tatooine cards except for watto and one podracer. So steebo goes to a tourney the day before and wins.. getting us a snowspeeder foil and 3 packs of tat.. in which we pulled 3 HELPER EFFECTS.
BTW, he beat brentson in the process of winning this tournament.
Moving on. Me and steebo decide that dark sucks, and we have no decks, so he says he has this ’hot court deck’ that chris twigg gave him, and that the twiggs would be playing it the next day. so they played court the next day, but it was different by about 2309832 cards... so we’re thinking we’re pretty F’d when they show up and tell us this, and we are wondering to ourselves why the hell we didnt fly back to England and chill with Pip Couldron and company.
I’m getting a little ahead of myself. I’m leaving out the fact that i totally go to scope steebos MILF (mom id like to f... for all you ... you know who you are) in her nighty... oh my god... i would run away with steebos mom never to return given the chance.. she would make me a happy man for the rest of my life..
Okay, now we get to the tourney. Since we have NO tatooine we borrow about 23842 mauls and 2938432 aurras and 4 maul sabers from Brian Cyzensky and we are pretty ready to hop this buggy. We also buy a half a box off hayes for 30 bucks and pull 14 HELPER EFFECTS and Jar jar.. that sucked. We’re playing pretty identical decks, only a few cards were missing. I played security precautions, he didnt.. etc. So our decks were- DARK : Version 1.0 of twiggs court. LIGHT- Adapted Ten Numb Superstar for tatooine. My rating going in is the afore mentioned 1717, steebos is about 1947 if i am not mistaken (which i never am)
Game 1 - Court Mains with @#$% destiny vs Pistone (1601) test to 5 with stone piles, AFA, and other JUNK.
So i hate playing MWYHL, its pretty gay if you ask me. AFA, thats a gay effect. STone pile? If i wasnt playing two alters i probably wouldve killed someone. Anyways. My deck is all about beats with sabers and jedi and draining with sticks... test one goes out, im F’d. i spread to like 4 sites and drain. He podraces. I lose. He has 5 force active.. he cant retreive. I lose 6 and things are looking okay because i can’t interact anyways. so one turn, im draining for 4 and he pulls of FOUR it could be worse. Now since all im doing is activating ALL MY FORCE then drawing til i get something i need, and then USING it all with the game text of I DID IT, i definitely outteched the game itself. Its pretty nice because its allowing you to draw what you need. I dunno i liked it becuase it helped me get an omni box/ its worse. granted i only had 7 cards left when i pulled it off, so that put him away. he played that neck and neck thing, which just allowed me to upp my differential to 12, and i drained him the rest of the way winning fully by said twleve force.
2(+12).
So thats good, a small win, puts me against someone that lost with their light, becuase well tons of light decks won, plus none of the big names played each other the first game, so i got pitted against a man that lost his first game by 17 if i remember correctly.. his name was steve anderson
Game 2 Ten Numb Superstar vs. Steve andersons This deal is getting F’d up becuase you dont wanna face avatar’s qmc on your own turf.
So i see this deal is getting worse and automatically i know ive got the game because i can hold the system like no other. I’m glad i didnt play bastians TDIGWATT becuase he came over my house with hayes today (monday) and raped the superstar with tie cannons. ANYWAYS. i set up in space. i set up on ground. he deploys some guys. i path and sorry about the mess and smack down. I drain unmodifiable for about 7 a turn while i retreive 4 a turn. This game was VERY non interactive, and i dont remmeber anything bad happening to me at all because i had no cards in my lost pile when i finished him off, 6 cards in my hand and 20 on the table giving me a full win by 34.
4(+46)
Well this makes me the round winner for my third straight tournament in a row... so i’m all psyched and im like OHHH WHOSE THE ROUND WINNER CHU? HAYES? TWIGG? WINKLEHAUS? BARONI? GEMME?
GEMME.
But you remember all those names i just mentioned.. yeah.. who do you think was second??? cant be good right?? nope... cant be good becuase the pairings get called and i must face number 3 in the world... hayes hunter.
Game 3 Ten Numb Superstar vs. Hayes’ ATST ROPS
First turn i flex for hayes my improvement in the game. He drops ATST pilot on tempest two to a non bg docking bay and second turn he tries to DBAY transit it for free. But hey, hayes, theres no imperial present. so hayes moves them back, disembarks, and tries it again. Hayes.. tempest two has no pilot, it cant move. he pays the one. tech you say? no.. i am just that good. was any of that relevent? yes, because this shows you i had the upper hand, the ENTIRE GAME from here on in. I set up my sites, he sets up his. i own bespin, he doesnt. My drains are unmodifyable, i have menace fades in effect. he’s draining me for 6 a turn, im retreiving for four and draining four. here is the thing thats bad. first i was holding bespin with elyk rhue and wedge in their ships. but i had to move them to fight at other systems and fulfill lat damage and stuff like that. but im still holding bespin he doesnt even try and challenge me. so the whole game im holding bespin with dash and ten numb. dash is an alien. the drains are not minus 1 there. do i realize this? no. i thought it was only at sites. its bespin locals. there were about 10 or more turns i didnt drain him in space. remember that. One huge thing happened. When everyone realized that im winning by 20 or so force, the whole place crowds around. I try and sorry about the mess zuckuss with wedge becuase well wedge and elyk are sitting in front of zuck, exec and avenger and i really dont want that 0 bd. hes like you cant do that. im like yes i can. so i do. and i hit cause all you need is a zero when you pay three. and everyone goes nuts. i just outteched hayes right? no.. its a card.. i just played it. but hey it worked. the best thing ever happend. i say "hayes im not trying to pull anything" as i place sorry about the mess in my used pile. HAHAHAHA we both caught it and i placed it lost but it was damn funny. Anyways. so im doing my thing, he drops epp vader inf ront of melas, i barrier. i leave melas cause you know, ive got narrow escape in my hand, i can move away right?? NOPE, melas is no rebel, i get topped for 10. im still in great shape. ive got four cards left and i can retreive 3. and drain and win because time was called during my turn. he plays projective teleptathy. i have one force left. had i drained first i would have had my seven cards and he wouldve had seven as well. only he got that eighth card back to his force, and i couldnt do my last drain, he had double the cards on the table that i had. so when decks are counted i have seven, he has eight.
4 (+38)
that was by far the best game of SW i have ever played except for the dash thing and the melas thing that is. i took the number 3 player in the world to school, only to F up at th end. im pretty bothered by it, mainly cause of the dash thing. and the fact that vader wouldve had a drain of zero had i moved melas. i dunno. things ill never forget again.
So my brain is fried.. but.. i have to face.. johnny.. chu... SUCKS
so the number 3 player, now the number 2.
Game 4 My court PILE vs Chus Hidden mains flip.
Everything that couldve went wrong this game went wrong. Here are just a few. I had to pay 1 to draw 1, i finally get my twilek, but only have 2 cards in force pile. so im set for getting security precautions out next turn right??? nope, i lose it off the top the very next turn. Before that, i had 6 cards in my lost, one of which was maul. i had maul and his stick in my hand ready to go down next turn. he OOC’s hits maul. i nearly jump over the table and beat the F out of him right there. i am so angry. then he keeps playing AFA and i keep trying to pull zuckuss with my obj,, its never there. this happened about three times. Tons of other bad things happened this game. i cant remember htem. i was so strung out from the game with hayes i couldnt take it anymore.
The next two games i dont want to mention. I beat my closest friend steve baroni by 37. this is tough on me cause he taught me so much about hte game and its the first time i ever beat him sanctioned, granted he was playing that court pile. then i played bri twigg and that was the funnest game i ever played. Twigg destroyed my court deck. he built it he should have. but one of the funniest things happend. when i drew to twelve i twileked to try and get zuckuss back into my deck. i picked up the used cards and showed him and hew as like HAHAHA ITS THERE! i was like HA! so next turn i try and deploy it.. its not there! he was kidding and he thought i knew! i was so hurt.. from there on in just terrible things happpend as he destroyed me but it was so fun cause we kept joking, and every time hed destroy another card i would slump my shoulders lower my head and top of 238437 cards.. it was great..
So Eric hunter wins. followed by who cares, i came in eighth. i bought five packs off eric and pulled two mauls, one ai, and a republic obi. i only paid 7 bucks for those 5 packs. damn thats good.
So we hit the ponderosa which is like buffet/steakhouse. i dunno i had never heard of it but the twiggs really like it because its a good deal and it was a place their dad liked as a kid. i am jealous of the twiggs relationship with my dad,but that is something i only go into with my specialized team of therapists.
so we’re eating and im like twigg, that waitress is cute. and the rest of the dinner hes like DUDE you tlak the talk let me see it. you say youre the master, go get that girl. i wasl ike gimmie a maul, hes like no. im like damn, and i try to explain that you need an in to go talk to the girl. finally shes standing there by the refill counter, cleaning some @#$% and hes totally pushing me to do the deed. i have to think of something quick so i down my coke, so i can go get a refill, i spit my mint hard candy into my cup and walk over there.. a hush falls over the crowd of 12 of us in this ghettorestaraunt.
I walk over, some bucket is in front of the thing. and the conversation runs like this. me then her.
Can i get a refill or is the bucket there for a reson
she moves the bucket, i fill my pepsi (pepsi is such ag ay word)
This pepsi tastes bad?? does it need to be refilled
????
here taste this its terrible, im gonna get 7up
she gets a to go cup and fills it
Tastes fine to me she says
tastes fine?? i dump my 7up get more pepsi
Tastes like @#$% to me says me
im not much of a pepsi drinker
well neither am i but this is no good
then its starting to die, i need a lifeline, i aske her about that togo cup and why dont i get one of those, and she says that i can. i ask if i have to pay etc. she gives me her cup i tell her i look like the kid riding the horse and that i have a red cowboy hat. like him etc. we star talking i ask her where she lives what she likes to do. she tells me the town i tell her i work in the town, stupid stuff like that relating myself to her. i make her laugh a few times. while EVERYONE is screaming behind me cause theyre less than ten feet away. i cant let them allow myself to get shot down. so we’re talking and she we mention music and talk music for a few minutes before i finally just ask her for her number and if shed like to hang out.
i smile
she gives me her number, takes my pager number
i smile again, tell her it was nice to meet her. walk back throw the nubmer at twigg.
his jaw DROPS
everyone is like HOLY S!
and then twigg is like
teach me
and we come up with this: Jedi testing to get women.
Test 1
You need an in. just anything that will allow you to get a conversation going. for me it was more spitting the mint in the cup than anything, anytime you can be truthful it works better. yeah i wanted a refill and yeah i couldve acted like the drink tasted like ass, but it did because of the mint and that got the conversatoin going. Test one is difficult, you try and do it early game before you really get set up.. but you can pull it off.. and i did
Test 2
Test two is difficult but not as difficult becuase once the conversation tapers, you have to move it somewhere, this is where you want to ask her about herself. talking about yourself is terrible cause girls are like WHO GIVES AN F. you dont want to milk it right here, just peak her interest get her talking about things she likes you can use that for the next two jedi tests.. just like once you get test two going, its easier to complete the next ones, espeically test 3
Test 3
SMILE
make her laugh, and you flash your smile and just act like your a fun loving guy. girls dont wanna see a shy kid, and dont tell her actual jokes, just be sarcastic, make her smile, this is the easiest test.. test three is automatic with the way of things. so is this one.
Test 4
SO HARD. becuase this is when you really have to bull@#$% if you arent lucky. so youve asked about her, now you have to take that and tie it back to you so that you can make it seem like you are an okay guy not just some guy trying to get a girl. i asked this girl where she lived and i told her i worked in the same town part time for these condo pools. i really do work for a condo pool company, and they have a pool there, but i work an hour away. etc etc. i tell her ive been to shows of bands and stuff, when concerts are and shes like oh i should go to that. you have to get her going like you are a normal guy. that is the hardest part because you could totally bust when you say that you know something and she asks you about it.. and you bunk out.. test four is tough.
Test 5
this should be the really tough one because of the standing on the head BS and what not. but the way we figured it.. youve been standing on your head this whole time trying to get this girl into you. now you just do what you gotta do, ask for her number. dont ask for the date cause thats too much she doesnt know you. gotta wait a while for the date, but still you ask for the digis and you flip your objective.. thats all there is to it.
Test 6 of course is confronting the girl, like you confront vader. then they actually expect you to follow up on all your BS and what not. So you have to really get a conversation going that isnt that easy when you dont know anyone. so like in the game, text 6 is rough to pull off and its probably not worth it in most decks, but hey it could be worth a shot because the benefits are ill.
happy hunting
Props
Baroni
Me
Twiggs
Chu
Cyzenski
Hayes - best game ever
Eric Hunter
Paul laudenbach the TD
Jeremy for the excedrin
Bastian winklehaus
nichole at the ponderosa for being wicked cute and giving me the digis.
jeditesting women
ten numb, superstar.
anyone else i missed.
Slops
the food at the ponderosa
me for picking up a girl on my 15 month anniv. HAHHA right!
PS sorry i only covered four games. its been a rough weeknd of getting boozed on cape cod and playing cards.. im not mentally there. my rating will go up about 50 points again, which wouldve put me over 1800... oh well @#$% happens
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