frozen-porn-dpc-deer-s-h-i-t
Title: frozen-porn-dpc-deer-s-h-i-t
Author: Justin "H2O" Desai
Date: Jun 16, 2001
For a long time I had known I was going to be going(bah) to ramapo...unlike worlds where I decided to go like a week before ramapo had been a planned out event. And thus this gave me much more time to plan for decks and such which in my case was a bad thing because nothing was working and I was staying up late(3-4 am) everynite looking throgh old decktech decks and stacks of commons. Well a weeke beofre ramapo i went to a tourny in fitchburg mass where john chu, both twiggs, both hunters and a mess of other good players where at...I scrubbed out but it was good ’cuz i had a better understanding of the post tatooine tournament scence. See mike gemme’s tourny report for more info about this tourny...
Well anyway the week beofre ramapo was cards careds and more cards...Met up with steebo, gemme and brian c on a regular weekday and played cards...I mainly just stared at mrs baroni(steebo’s mom) though cuz she is just sooooooo damn hot and if mr. baroni and mrs. baroni ever make a porn tape i will be the first to buy it. I had a cool conversation with mrs baroni:
Mrs B: Hi you must be justin!
Me: **stares at her ass**
Mrs B: well its nice to meet you.
Me:** stares at ass**
Mrs: well....I have to go...
Me: **stares at ass**
Anyway thursday rolls around And i take the train to hayes’ hunters house as we are all going down together(hayes’, gemme, me, bastian, and eric H). Hayes’ and bastian pick me up and we go to hayes’ house or almost through hayes’ driveway as he takes it at like 40 mph...anyway i play a few games with bastian and he hoses me...play a game with eric...hose...play some more...hosed hosed hosed. Well anyway gemme comes over with his hot friends and hot sister and i do what i do best and stare at "pink pant’s ass" and it is all good. Anyway hayes goes out to a night class.
Anyway we playtets for a while and eat and @#$%...I listen to mr and mrs hunter at dinner and pretend to be interested. We playtetst some more when hayes; gets back and i kick his wys’s @#$% like 4 times with my huntdown jizz. So he is liek this wys sucks so I’m going to make a pile(btw, dpc starts like in 12 hours) So he makes his pile and it wrecks me bevcause i get like 3 force a turn and i finnaly save nough force and he beggears it all away....gah.
Anyway me gemm and hayes all go to bed in his living room and I try to sleep as hayes and gemme have WWIII with cards and i keep getting nailed in the ear by flying cards. well none of us can sleep so like a bunch of homos we go out and run in the cold, freshly cut grass at liek 3 in the morning. damn we are so gay. So we come in play liek 4 more games(gemme is in the zone and is tracking like 4647646476 cards at once). We finally hit the hay at 5 and get up 1:30 hours later../bastian wakes us up and is like, "security, you cant sleep hear". We are like phuck off because you went to bed at 9 and have had liek 10 housr of sleep but it is all good because bastian is the coolest guy ever.
We get on the road at like 7:45 and mr hunter styarts to drive us while we all make decklists in the cra and tell offensive jokes...Both mr hunter and eric H are horrible joke tellers...hayes’ doesn’t try. Mike has us all laughing so I try to tell a joke that starts off "a guy walks into a bar"...but i keep getting inetrupted by gemme and hayes saying, "ouch!" Dammit that joke woulda been good if you hadn’t interupted me so many times. Anyway we hit traffic...we see roadkill...pretty standard stuff...we get to ramapo at 12 and unload and stretch our behinds. We register, see some of our boys including team A and hang and wait for the DPC to get started and also wait for Mr. Hunter to stop yelling at us...
Gemme spots clint hays and is like "ohhhhhh @#$%!" because earlier in the month gemme and steebo had AIM’d hays and were like"@#$% off" and he was lkike "@#$% you too!" and they were like you cant say that, we just said itto you" and he was like, "who is this?!" and they were like "justin Desai!" and they tole me this and i was like "ooooohhhhh @#$%!"
Anyway it never got ugly...prolly because bastian was in our crew and who messes witha group of guys one of which is a german security guard who has a future in stand up?!?1
Well we mander into the maoin room and we get paired up...first round I play Andres ?????. He was a cool guy.
THE GAMES--
game one my dagobah deck(on decktech) vs. andres JP mains.
he starts JP with expand the empire and automatically I think tatooine mains, I think I can beat this( i pack 2x POAS and 2x lost in the wilderness). EWell andway let me say that andres is a good player and is cool but i just had terrible luck this whole game. didn’t pass tets 1 for awhile, drew 1s twice for lost in teh wilderness and the like. He got maul set up fast at one site and mara at another. I decided Obi and Qui should come down and I beat up Mara for a few and satify search and destroy. he deploys Vader, tarkin, jabba, jodo kast and like 15 more power in fron of my guys and I am like, "@#$%" he hidden weapons qui, hits obi. I play in the edge to kill my own obi and end the battle, he plays sense...fails. sense fails. sense...fails. Sense...got it! Obi and like 22 force...that is pretty much game and I get gang raped first game...Full loss by 25+!
Highs: he was cool...at least we had a battle.
Lows...Ugh.
So right now I am thinking oh well...at least I will play a scrub now so it will get better. Hayes won his game as did mike and bastian. Eric beat steve baroni in a mass clash. In my second game i get paired with ray Bordier who also lost by a large ammount....
game 2 my huntdown jizz w/o numbers vs. ray Bordier’s Philly crew solid WYS.
So the game starts out pretty nornal...vader in the cantina turn 2, i win the race pretty easily even though he draws 2 6s and a 5 at some point for race destiny...which would prove crucial...He gets drains out at the systems and spreades out against me on land and is out draining me...but i figure i can still win because i still hold the cantina and the 11 force swing is looming large. well he drops 3 smugg;lers in front of dvdvots(so choking one is pretty worthless) and battles and draws 2 of the 6s he tracked via the race. I lose vader and he loses everything...I get out another vader but by that time jedi luke is in the cantina with a saber and backup and I am getting drained for like 11 a turn...Damn, full loss by 7.
Highs: ray is a cool guy. And the philly deck is darn tootin’ good.
Lows: I think If i had done a few things differently I could have maybe won.
So anyway I am feeling pretty down and am pissed that I am 0-2. Eric lost his game, hayes won, bastian won. steebo won, gemme lost...everyone except bastian and gemme is making fun of me for being 0-2. steebo is like, "what are you?!" me: "0-2" Steebo: "ahahahahahaha"
Anyway I get paired up with ross from mass 3rd game
My dark-his TIGIH podracing sevens. Well I hardly remember this game...I won watto’s box and drained at the cantina(he deployed it...?) He won 2 battle s which made me nervous but I won via watto’s box and a beatdown on a lone beru/owen.
Full win by 18
Highs: good to fiannly wina game.
Lows: I am a scrub.
So hayes wins again, brain c is 3-0 as well, baroni and gemme both win. eric wins... Game 4 i get matched up with my Dog Andy Klema!
Game 4...my light...andy’s BHBM mains. Well I see BHBM and I think I can beat this...He sets ups guys arely at sites and gets searc and destroy off mad fast. I just traina nd give him luke. He is losing to his objective and AFAs and I am losing to drains and search...I try to fight him on the ground but qui and obi bite the dust to vader and tarkin.
But evntually he spreads to space and I know I have him...I deploy wedge and his ship and leia aboard artoo in red5 and battle, cancel his destiny(i think he had zuckuss) and plop down legendary. Now he i slosing 3 force during each of his turns...He tries to fight me off in space but loses...Close game but I pull it out. FW by 5!
Highs: Great game...playing andy.
Lows...playing andy. One of us had to lose.
So right now I feel a little better and 2-2 i snot that bad. steebo and gemme are now both 2-2(gemme just lost to yannick which is no disgrace) and hayes just lost to john hawkins in like 4 minutes....bastian lost somewhere along the line. Brain C is still 4-0! Anyway i think It would be cool if I win my next game cuz then I will at least have won 3 games and that seemed unthinkable when i was 0-2. Well anyway my hopes seemed dashed when I get paired up with stephen lewis in game 5!
game 5--My dark vs stephen’s hiddne base matching pilots.
So...we chat beofre the round starts and he tells me he isn’t doing that well today and i tell him i’m not either. He is a cool relaxed guy.
Well the game starts out pretty good...he doesn’t have a podracer so i know i will win the race. meanwhile he is just pulling systems and getting out ships...I get out vader and his saber to teh arena and he loses 11 and i retrieve 11 for watto’s box...Thing are looking good as he cant cancel visage because of this is some rescue and he is down a bunch of force and he cant retrieve because of secret plans....eventually he flips and is now draining me for 7 a turn...I have to do something fast...I have been tracking my sevens throughout my deck and fianmly deploy zimh and emeperor aboard to aquaris where lando in falcon is...I go there because I can play I have you know...I probe..he say sthats it! I say hell yeah. he says why did you go there? I say because of I have you know..and he just shakes his head. I battle him and he loses a few force....he comes out later with more ships an dthe empepor bites the dust but maul comes out late game in spoace and blocks a drain...Visage and my drain of 1 eat him away...Full win by 6!
Highs: Beating stephen lewis! Playing steohen lewis. I am pumped
Lows: He had horrible luck I had absolutely great luck.
So everyone is like you beat stpehen lewis and i am like "yeah" an dthey are like, "congrats". matt socal is like about to cream on me because I beat him and @#$% so it is cool.
Hayes won again, So did mike and steebo i think...brain C finally lost. bastian and hayes are both 4-1.
Game 6 my light vs oregon dark deal...
Well I scratch my head when i see dark deal but whatever. His first turn he drops like everything...except dark deal. Guess he doesn’t have a ship. he drops cloud city hough which is a huge mistake because on m,y trun i take it with teh falcon and never let go...Also on my first turn i drop training area, test 1 , yoda and farmboys just in case he gets it off....no dark deal for you. He drain on the ground and i drain in space...all his activating and imperial supplyng and recoiliing in fear is just making my inserts pop quicker which is fine with me...He inserts tremor...I say "blibd cut it" he looks pissed an does so and it never pops:) I eventaully drop obi to cc...kiss. Then i drop Qui gonn...kiss"you cant do that it is unique" "oh"...trooper felth and like 9 force...I battle him out. Full win by 24.
Highs: Cool game. I was in complete control.
Lows: None
So nice I ahve one four in a row and have righted my ship. I take a dump and am ready for my next challenge...hayes won again and is 5-2, as is bastian. steebo and gemme both loose and are now 3-3...eric is 4-2 as well.
game 7...my light vs. Scott Deihl’s CCT mains and screws...
Well he takes my han away from emso that is bad....he thinks i have no othe rspace though and deploys dengar to carida like second turn...bad move, i drop wedge,ship,luke,ship, battle....damage for like 15 and legendary...game on turn 3...he is stunned I play more space...Qui and obi come out late too. I totally control thi sgame and have a lost pile consisting of like 4 cards....hand is like 12 though....He evetually draws up....Full win by 28.
Highs: scott was cool. Domination is always cool.
Lows: None
So oth hayes and bastian lost...steebo won and gemme lost. brain won and is 5-2...eric is 5-2 as well. klema is 4-3...Hayes and Bastian are both 5-2 with pretty poor diff(+40-50). I am 5-2 with plus 56! So as of game 7 despite my poor start I am the highest kashyyyyk/mass player. Hell @#$%ing yeah! So I talk to scott lingrel and ask him how much I need to win by to get into the final.,..he says prolly alot but a win by 30 will most liklely do it. I am pumped....I think my dark can win by 30 given the right matchup...
Game 8...vbs Bastian W’s light.
darn. Well let me first say that me and bastian were both in the same situation, we both needed a win by 30 to even have a chance to get into the final...And as soon as we got paired up we knew that wasn’t going to happen.
He is playing WYS beats and my huntdown jizz...neithe rof us play much retrieval and he knows he will lose watto’s box and i know i will be drained at kessel for most of the game. Oh well
I start out by droping paly to the cantina and racing. he sets up in space...I drain for a few and finsih the race turn 3. i dont retieve the 3 cards in my lost pile because of aim high. he loosk for something is his reserve deck and finds it, but then looks again for something and doesn’t find it, I say i’ll verify, we both chuckle because i know his deck card for card anyway...but i place the tripler card out of play wit podracer collsion and he is like,"holy @#$%!" Well anyway i totally control tatooine but he is draining me for 4 a turn and eventually sets up menace and cancels visage. thje game is mad close and he effective repairs for battle plan...i mistakenly think he deploys it and pay for my drains! Whats’ even worse is that I dont drain a few times because i dont want to pay 6 to drain for 2...I do this liek 3 turns...and what’seven worse, boba fett in slave one comes out to satisfy"battle plan" and gets beaten down for 6. gah..he eventaullt deploys battle plan when he fullfils it and i am like, "whaaa...?" I realize what happened and I am devastated because I have him...we both agree I would have won by 8-10 if i hadn’t remembered a battle plan that isn’t even on the table...Full loss by 5.
Highs: two weeks in a row I went toe to toe against the best in the world...
Lows...Both times my own stupidity has cost me the games.
Well I finsh 5-3 which ain;t bad...steebo and eric also finsigh 5-3...bastian and hayes at 6-2...I think I end up coming in 13th or something, eric is 14th and steebo is like 18th. the tourny is a blast and I had a great time...You all know what hapened in the final so i wont go into that.
Meanwhile, me bastian and hayes are in the room and hayes’ has this porno mag called gents...well hayes is like we gotta hide this...I am like i’ll take care of it. So hayes leaves and me and bastian are wondering what to do with the porno....He says, "dooood lets just chuck it" I say, "no, let’s freeze it!" he says ,"doooooddd!!!" and puts it in the fridge....I say we should dip it in water so when somebody reads it will shatter but he is like no.... So whatever., I will have my Open report up tommoorw i am too tired now to write another 8 games and more about the porn so i will end it hear. But first Props and slops:
MAD PROPS!
Mike Gemme...he is the man..you see bastian, why is he #1 on the lsit is because he can be mike, bastain or SPIDERMAN!
Bastian Wilkensaus...Dood, you are the man,...our game was fun as hell too. Seeya at dcon.
Very very big props:
Andy Klema...dude me and you should make a movie about two cool guys...it could star us as teh cool guys.
Chris twigg...we seemed to be hanging out alot and between me and you we took out lewis and hays on succesive rounds.
Scott Lingrell...Dude you are the man. Nuff said.
Props:
Hayes hunter, dude thanks for inviting me!
Steebo, even though you are a pain somethimes you are the man and if i need someone to watch my back it will be you.
Brain C, I will be in that clob mad soon bri!
Mr Hunter, tahnsk for the drive
Mrs Hunter, thansk for the cake and the plate and the fork
Mrs. B, thanks for that ass
Pink pants and gemme’s sister...T&A!
Team albany...you cool guys
Eric for telling me to ditch the numbers....it was the right call.
My boys ben and mike....ten and ben numb baby!
The girl i fooled around with this past thursday night.
Greg Hodur and Tj...am I 3cg yet?
all the mass people who went down...
Vegas Berta...we ARE going to make that game.
everybody else who showed and i forgot.
The cards themselves...this would be pretty gay if there were no cards.
God--yeah he’s cool too
Slops:
Gemme’s nemesis goglin or whatever...dude you dont want to mess with spiderman...and nice pants.
Mr hunter for calling us jerks.
Mrs. baroni for not givin’ me any...
....thats about it, this whole weekend rocked man!
Open report due up tommorow!
later peeps--Justin.