nipples-academy-where-is-my-tr
Title: nipples-academy-where-is-my-tr
Author: michael "Deck" Gemme
Date: Jul 19, 2001
Jeremy Oakes: Rogue something was supposed to be moving to California and this was to be his last tournament for some time. Since Oakes is a great guy and TD and is the co-creator of Hardcore Trek, Myself, Steebo, Justin Desai and Hayes Hunter decide to take our own little JYHAD and go to this Meriden Tourney. After a week of playtesting non stop- me and steebo cut out of my work early to go get ready for the arrival of hayes and justin before our 2 hour trip to Andy REXBANNER7 Klema’s house.
We get to steebo’s and Mrs Baroni was distracted by our (my) arrival so greatly that she dropped her wedding band under the stove. So i spent the next..oh... HOUR AND A HALF rolling on the ground with mrs baroni looking for the ring, flirting, joking and all together having the best possible time i could have had while getting rat shti all over me. Mrs baroni kept thinking rats were there and scaring the piss out of me then shed rub my arm and tell me she was kidding and it was all good becuase she looked SO DAMN GOOD like she does every day.. she just is really pretty and dresses nicely so its a double bonus. Besides without the wedding ring she was FAIR GAME.. to me anyways.
After not being able to find the ring, steve and i head to my house and talk to my sister and her HOT AS HELL friend mckenzie. I dunno, like i love mrs baroni and all, but mckenzie is like a goddess to me, her body is so hot, and shes hot, but shes wicked dumb.. so its just THAT much better. Anyways, jess and mac leave just as justin and hayes pull up and jess and mac kinda wave and smile and flirt. Hayes is amazed by his ability to find my house after only being there once, and i am proud of him because its not the easiest trek. And we go inside and playtest.
Steebo and hayes played in my room with my bro and justin and i played at the dinner table. Apparently my brother was being funny but i dont find him funny so read hayes’ tr about that b/c i wasnt there. But let me just say that my games with justin set the tone for the weekend because my rancor demolished his WYS. I ate so many of his guys it wasnt even funny... i shoulda played that rancor deck in the tourney.
So about 11pm we stop at dunkin donuts because i need coffee, steve orders a bunch of crap that holds up the trip 20 mins and we head off. Here is a summary of the ride.
Hayes: Mike go 90
Mike: 80 is fine in CT
Hayes: i would go faster
Mike: I know.
Rinse, Repeat.
So finally we get off 84, where hayes got arrested and ive gotten 290 dollar tickets just for going 82 mph. And we get on 44, which is like the biggest blackest scariest neighboorhood in CT. EAST AND CENTRAL Hartford. So we are booking it through main street hartford and i was like
IM NOT STOPPING FOR ANYTHING
then all of a sudden all the lights turned green and we made it out pretty quickly.
But there were like 2908340923 KFC’s on that road alone.. and one popeye’s too.
So we get to klemas and playtest some more. My rancor eats like 3 more of justin’s guys and hayes goes to bed at like 130. Me and justin pack it in at about 3 and steve and klema hit the sack around four. Andys house is an icebox adn justin and i keep waking up. At about eight, neither of us can fall back to sleep and i was like "justin, lets play a game" he says okay so i take my blanket off and get up with both my decks (i slept with them near me) and he starts cracking up for ten minutes about how i slept with my decks, it was good.
So we play, i win again and then everyone gets up and we get ready and go to the McDonalds and then head for the Tourney. We get stuck in MAD traffic on the way but we kept pulling up to these FINE 13 year old females that were checkin me out and waving and everything it was wicked funny. Then i was driving with my head out the sunroof and some lady just kept cracking up (because the obsidian 69 is tight like that). Finally we get to meriden with a mexican population in excess of 78%.
For decks, hayes is playing Brangus and WYS, justin is playing HD jizz and wys, steebo is playing Garrison and Hayes Pile, and i am playing Brangus and WYS as well.
My Brangus uses the Roc Combo. My wys uses podracing interrupts to win races and take other ppl’s 22 force swing from them.
Please take notice that i had already written my game notes like 6 days ago and i most likely cant recreate them perfect. But for the most bizarre occurance ever, skip to game four to learn about nipple stickers.
Game1 my WYS vs Justin H20 Desai’s HD Jizz
I’ve won this mathcup twice in the last day and lost it once, but only because it was the second time ever playing my WYS. So i had confidence. So we drain and stuff in the beginning, ive got guys holding tat and i end up winning the podrace in his control phase. He tries to get me to play an intterrupt out of my lost so he can collision, but i dont fall for it so hes stuck losing the race, but he has an idea. He drops maul and fett to my Non unique DBAY for 7 and shuttles them up flipping me back. he tries to play collision, but it is my action so i decide to total the race destinies, 22 force swing. And from then on it gets close because his drains are better than mine (only because i cant get melas and hes draining me in space for 2 or 1 plus in the cantina. Finall i get melas and beat him down in space. He tires to duel luke but i grap his vader’s obsession and play Run Luke RUn so now ive got one in my lost. I retreived 15 with on the edge before taking him out with five minutes left by 14.
FW 2(+14)
Highs: beating a 1900+ player
Lows : He’s my buddy
Other : My deck did exactly what it was supposed to
Game 2 My Brangus ROC vs 1500 kids first tourney EBO
So his top card is ice storm so i decide to never stop him from filpping. I win the podrace about turn 4 and wouldnt you know i retrieved my whole lost pile (the drain of 4 at kiffex wasnt doing enough damage) but that also meant i retrieved my docking bays so i had to get them back PLUS eat a drain of four for two turns while i tried to reset up. I meant to go to space but he drops Premiere chewie and Republic OBI to my docking bay, so i slap the combo on chewie, then he moves over obi wan alone and i go smack him with vader and maul. Still eating the drain of four. Plus he put down OTE which i had already gotten rid of once (he plays two?!) before taking him out in space with zuckuss and boba fett at two systems. Game Set Match by 27
Fw 2(+41)
Highs: Winning again
Lows : Beating a Scrub
Other : Now i play brentson
Game 3 My WYS vs Brentsons HD Jizz
Well once again i get my matchup. Only i forget to grab his collision second turn, and i let myself get duelled. Then i have the podrace won and i think hes trying to pull something because he keeps passing on his control phase actions.. i was like okay and then he went to his deploy phase dissallowing me to draw the 2 i needed to win the race and thus setting the 22 force swing into effect. The next turn he just drained me heavily like he had the previous nine turns and i lost by 18 plain and simple.
FL 4 (+22)
Highs: None
Lows : playing like a @#$%
Other: Playing like a huge @#$% when i shoulda won
Game 4 My Brangus vs. Karl Sundbergs speed profit.
So he frees luke second turn and i dont win my race til like turn 7 which sucks balls because hs pinging me HUGELY. So i insert him with numbers expecting to take the game. Only, he has no insert sleeve (hes playing black back im playing redback) so im like "steebo do you have the whiteout pen" and hes like no .. then im like "@#$% karl i can get you dq’d you know" then steebo goes wait a sec... JUSTIN GIVE ME THE STICKER OFF OF YOUR NIPPLE.. and everyone is like what???? so then justin casually takes off his shirt and has a mcdonalds game piece stuck to his nips! So he rips it of, gives it to steve STRAIGHT FACED and steve gives it to me, i give it to karl, karl sticks it on his deck and shuffles. then he wont let me cut. Then when it pops he loses one because i had to deploy vader for the roc combo. then i get it back with brangus, re insert, he playes wont let me cut cause actions have gone by while he was shuffling. THEN the insert pops and magically ULTAMATUM IS ON THE TABLE... he never said he deployed it, and i never saw him do it.. so instead of losing 9 he loses 2... which is gay. From there he SATM my vader to get rid of the ROC combo and the drain and profit ping killed me.
Also this game, steebo played Mullarkeys Garrison and it was just like Kim Catons and was like how come kim caton is so much better than you. and hayes was like its her deck and steve was like the deck still sucks and hayes was like yeah it does and then i yell HEY LEAVE HER ALONE becuase they always tease me about talking about how cool/smart/funny that girl is, so it was funny that i was defending her... i guess you just had to be there.
FL 4 (WHO CARES)
Game 5. My Brangus vs Klemas HBX swarm
So klema just drops and drains, nothing to it. I konw that if i get numbers out i can win. SO what do i do?? i lose Twilek with my podracer collision turn 2. From there on in i never get numbers ,he playes All wings only once (to retrieve because he knew i was playing Grabbers) and that was game. Very short, very painful game involving space draining and me counter assaulting his two xwings for nine because i lat damaged one of them. I am wicked smart.
so now im 4 (negative something)
Highs: Counter assault
Lows : Numbers are gay when you forget them
Other: i just lost 3 in a row
So after this game, this really nice guy whose name i didnt catch comes up to me and is like, are you mike deck gemme and im like uhh yeah. and hes like im playing your qmc and ihave some questions. So all of a sudden im like WHAT IS GOING ON I AM A SCRUB NOONE SHOULD TALK TO ME ABOUT DECKS, plus steebo is getting pissed cuase its HIS deck =p even though i playit better HAHHAA. anyways so i point out to everyone that the guy is a fan, we talk shop and pairings get called.
Game 6 My WYS vs Someone playing MY maul deck.
Right off the bat the kid is like "im playing your maul deck" and im like okay autowin. But his deck is a lot different then mine, but i play it up anyways. No podracing so mainly i drain at kessel (he was playing NO ships) And then i just run around on the ground with chewie, luke and han. Luke has no saber because i dont want him getting disarmed and then operated on. So finally i split up luke with lando and yotts, and luke and chewie in the cantina running from vader mara and aurra and dr 3. Maul and aurra come down and move over to block my enhanced dbay drain and i drop melas, talon battle, draw 3 destiny and pretty much carve him to pieces. Between my space drains and that battle i end up winning by something in the twenties
SO I GO 3-3
WHOO HOO i continue my streak of suckiness.
I win one pack of Tattooine and pull quigon. Steve wins a snowspeeder foil and a few packs of tat. I also win a poster randomly. Steve trades for a masterful move foil. Hayes sells his prizes and Hayes, Justin, Steebo,Klema Oakes and myself decide to have a nice dinner at applebees.
We get there and automatically start talking about jedi testing girls. and stuff. Justin thinks he is dark side, which is all like "DAMN BABY YOU FINE" and all that stuff, plus im not like that. He says "you dont win all the time, but when you do its by 42" and i just say "whatever dude, i win every game and thats all that matters" We also have a discussion about how i say i am my own objectvie because of how i look and my 6000 dollar smile (braces for a decade) and stuff like that.
ANYWAYS im not going to get into jedi testing because of a few things my FRIEND hayes said about me being stupid because im polite. I said it in my review of his, but let me just reiterate.
Just because i am polite, does not mean im trying to kick it to any girls. I am polite because that’s the way i was raised and thats the way i CHOOSE to treat people. If anyone knew how @#$%ty ive been treated in life by my family, some friends, strangers, anybody, maybe you could then understand my intentions. But dont for a second thing that anyone in this world knows me because you dont. I am a million different people on a million different days. The way i act now is not how i act somewhere else. And the thing about me asking what the chick recommends it was because steebo had ordered something and she made a comment about it and i was like WELL WHAT DO YOU RECOMMEND, sarcastically. I could say a lot more now, but i choose not to. my choice.
One last thing about jedi testing: Just do what you do, i only came up with testing with twigg because it was funny and it was what i used at the time. There is no process, no method, just mack the hell out of girls whenever you see them. be a man.
Sorry about that people who are not involved. Here is more funny NIPPLE antics for you.
so im walking out to my car to find money and i see everyone looking at me out the window and think they must be expecting me to do something funny. So i flash them my nips. when i get back inside everyone is laughing because the lady next to us saw me and said it made her day. I just winked, told her husband something about trying to share a moment with his wife and he laughed and we took off.
We were gonna flash them again but it got old so hayes jumps out the sunroof half naked and we drive away, we get to a traffic light and OAKES the harriest mofo alive is sitting at the light with his shirt off too all of a sudden and just waves. HAHA
The ride home was okay. They wanted me to chase these girls in a convertable and i almost killed us when i cut off an 18 wheeler and pretty much let him push me down the highway i was so close to him. THen we played a few hands of plate poker before everyone went their seperate ways.
So all in all it was a good weekend aside from scrubbing out. i know now exactly waht i do wrong with the brangus deck. Hopefully i can work it next time.
Props
My boys steve justin hayes andy and oakes for the great weekend.
Brentson for getting cooler every time we see him
Maholik for being SO JACKED
Applebees hostess for being a babe
All old people that we laughed at this weekend
Brian twigg for talking to me on the phone til 3am helping me with my brangus deck. youre a good friend dude.
Slops
Nada becuase im not in the mood to slop people... so ill just slop my back