montreal-dpc-by-dom-and-his-mom
Title: montreal-dpc-by-dom-and-his-mom
Author: Dominic "Decktech" Gaudreault
Date: Sep 10, 2001
10 month ago someone call maxim "The Burntoast" briand told me that he was going to do a DPC in Montreal. He told me he will need someone to judge, and ask me to be the TD . SO I was like WATEVER DUDE !
Then a couple month ago I see on Decktech the Montreal DPC . and they say I am the judge... SO I am like sh1t dude that suck I wanted to play. But it seems like I am the judge. Then I think, and I realise I had never organise a tournament before. So i download all the DPC rules and the current ruling 50 pages sh1t and read all that crap.
The 2 week before, me Yannick and Raphael play tested a lot . Raphael had a good TIGIH deck. And Yannick sucked big brown huge mega tasty balls. He had nothing. His best deck was 3-16, DS senators. Well he told me he had won with it 3 times, but I heard it was against his Mom . And I am serious. And his light side was ugly. He was supposed to blow up the bunker , but usually at the end of the game he was giving me a blowjob. OH YES ! Yannick Suck well
So most good player from the USA were coming. Jonathan Chu, The Twiggs. Matt Sokol. Clint. Yannick told me TJ and Criss had a car crash so they wont be coming. And that was bad
SO the Friday of the DPC. There was a warm up . And Maxim ask me if i was coming to play cause there was only 10 people. And I said no, the Twigg should come soon, and I must stay home. And from now on he kept calling me every f"cking 10 minutes to know if they had arrive. so after calling me like 20 mother f*cking times he told me ok, I will start the Warm up. So I am like DUDE your 2 hours late GO B1tch. And he told me OH yes ! I like it when you call me that name.
So they finally got to my house. There was the 2 Twigg. Michael Gemme and someone else.... I dont remember his name... sorry. Well I dont have a good memory. The only reason I remember Michael Gemme s name is because my sister kept telling me he was pretty.
then I call Dominic s Friend, and he come pick me up. So we go see what is happening at the Warm up. The name of the shop is the Crosmos . In English it would be the mastur-batt-most. There was nothing to see. Only raphael beating scrub. OH GOD I am the TD I should not say that. Ok, ok I am sorry . Raphael Asselin was beating weak minded player.
So when its over we go eat at the $ BURGERKING $ . oh sorry if the name is in $$ . they pay me to do promotion. So after we eat our marvellous Hamburger and awesome French fries we go to yannick s House.
I was with my (at that time) girlfriend Audree. But it was not going really well. So we saw Clint. Chu.... and a Girl Call Myriam... She is really pretty and played SWCCG. It was like the 4th times I had seen her but I had never bother talking to her, cause she was living like 5 hours away.. but now she was living in monteal. OH YES ! OH YES YOU HEARD ME ! it was time for the Dom-Inator . A sophisticated sexual robot send back thru time to change the future for one lucky lady . So I told her : you have been targeted by the Dom-inator , get ready to experiment the Dom-ination. First impression is really important... with those word I knew I already had her in my bed.
So I played a RAW deal game with Clint and Chu and Small Twigg. and I suck. Then I go play Super Smash Brother. and Chu comes . and he use some Donkey Kong Throw to wreck me... At that time I had no clue how to stop that :( so he owned me. I WILL HAVE MY REVENGE. LINK IS THE BEST ! NOT THE 1 / 4 Brained Monkey.
then the Twiggs need to go back to my house for my sister or sumthing. So I said sure , and I come back 20 minutes later. I should have stayed at my house with them but... remember ... Myriam was there.... OH YES. OHHHH YESSSSS.
So I go back , and I have fun. the only thing that sucked is that Myriam had now put some pants on cause she was cold with a skirt... in fact it really sucked cause when I was playing Nintendo (before) I could see her underwear :) Hehe. but Audree was no longer here, she was at my house . So it was not the end of the world.
So I go back home. And I talk with team Twiggs . And they seems to have good deck. Surprisingly my sister was still talking to Mike Gemme.
And I go to sleep.
And I wake up.
I go downstairs to wake team Twigg up but I dont see Mike Gemme.... hmmmm I wonder where he is. Finally I find him somewhere.
So we get ready and I call yannick to pick me up . He was 10 minutes late ??? weird hey ??? So we go pick Dominic s Friend up and we head to Rendezvous point with Raphael. Raphael is the craziest driver ever he almost get us killed 2 times....
We finally find the place. And in the room where I am to Direct the tournament there is plenty toys/games/ Water Gun and some Black banana....
Then I see Ghetto Leader. And he is f*cking pissed cause some mofo broke his car window and stole his CD. but at least he still had his small Dildo.
And then Myriam arrive, and I go talk to her. As a tournement director I asked her if she needed special attention. But I wont tell you what she reply
Then Greg comes to talk to me and tell that I should f*ck her..... OH YES . so I say : OH YES. you just had a great idea dude !
So the tournament start. the first few round there is nothing interesting.
Chu and Clint are playing WYS-Control. and Branglus-Control-Direct Damage. Yannick had just made a Profit deck that he had never test and was playing that gay Senator Deck. Raph was playing BHBM high Destiny and His home made version of TIGIH. The Twigg were playing Main and Toy/ Twix and Dagoba and both HDADTJ. Alex Klamroth was Playing Cloud City and HDADTJ. Matt Sokol was playing Maul Hutt and some Main and Toy for light I think.
Other than that there was lots of weird archetype.
1 cool game i noticed was Yan Profit vs. Clint Branglus
yannick got hit for like 20 in Odds. but won the race. Clint was tracking perfect sabac. yan was getting rape. and sometimes Clint was set for stun on han. Locking Yannick for 1 turn. but Yannick manage to track a perfect sabac. and Clint had no more Insert... I dont exactly know why... so Clint was now lock and Profit was doing his damage. Eventualy yannick won as clint needed yannick to activate to do damage.
then I go talk to myriam and I tell her that I need her phone number because if i get lost somewhere at least i will have someone to help me find my way. And she gave it to me.
We Order Pizza, and I think its pretty cool to be TD. I have someone call Dominic s Friend that do all the paring/deckcheck . And Andrew Lui is watching games people want a judge to watch to make sure there is no cheating. I just have to make the good ruling. And Maxim is yelling at me to start Time, so its really cool.
Then after game 5 . Audree and the Girlfriend of Dominic s Friend, Julie arrived.... OH NO ! WHY !!!!!! WHY DOES THAT HAPPEN TO ME ! WTF ARE THEY DOING THERE.
So with all those girl there, we made a survey . Who is the sexiest guy to play SWCCG.
Number 1 : are you ready ??? Well it is me.. Ok, ok I am kidding.
1 is Martin Akesson
2 Is Mike Gemme
3 Is Matt Sokol
4 IS my Choice ONLY , my all time favorite : Ti-Gars , you can see a picture of him at :http://www.geocities.com/swccg666/TopPlayers/TiGars/tigars.html
Oh yes ! He like Diaper
now round 8.... Clint had dropped. the Twiggs were out of top 4 . Alex was playing Chu. on Alex turn, he activated 2 , play nemodian Advisor, deploy Site..... but I told him that he could no longer activate... that move really hurt him. Gogolen, the Undefeated was playing Martin Pereault . A fiend of mine... Martin was playing My WYS but I forgot to tell him that the battle plan should be a combo ( he had not play since Provincial),.. and its a beatdown deck with beggar and all... and Gogolen was playing tie bomber,..... anyways close game. it timed as both players had a equal number of card in deck/hand. but martin won cause of his lost pile. now yannick was playing Raphael , and raphael was playing BHBM and its Auto-Win against Profit so he won.
The top 4 weres the Following
Gogolen
Raph
The Yellow Menace
Crusher
So lets start the final.. me and Dom s Friend decided to watch Raph/Chu while Burntoast/Andrew was watching Yan/Gogolen
Raph had Already Beaten That deck but played by clint so he was confident.
I must say that Chu played very well and Raph played poorly. At the start there was a important fight witch raph drew a 0 battle destiny... from there it was downhill for him. The Insert has killed him
So Yan and Chu won
First game is CHU WYS VS YAN SCENATOR CRAP
Well it was a strategic game. nothing in particular happen. yannick set up the pod race with the box on turn 6 maybe . chu play ITCBW of 11 and had a its a hit in hand. Then Chu Spread and won easily by 15 or so. Chu had put Vader out of commission, removing most treath.
Second game
First Turn yannick Goes Masta Luke/ saber and Epp Ben . Jonny had Echo was room and Responsibility of command in hand and deploy brangus. yan drain for 5. chu lost from top of deck much anger in him... and got it back with a DB. so they both had super start. but chu had difficulty getting a character to the site. to make him loose 4 force. yan won the Race . But nothing interesting Yan won by maybe 20.
Congratulation to both player as they play really good game. And they deserve their position
So it was over... BYE
OH no ! it was not over yet !
We decided to got to some sh1tty place call the Peel Pub. So we go there. Well we tried, but Raphael Almost hit a hydrant ??? ( the fireman think that is in the street to stop fire) . And then he hit a Car. Anyways , we got there. And we ordered some beer that taste like the yellow stuff that sometimes come out of your penis. And some food. Me and Raph did a spaghetti contest. The one who eat the most by putting our faces in the plate. Do I have to tell you that I EASILY won , and that my face was all red ??? But it was kind of funny, there was a guy nude with a diaper. And a girl holding a Giant ( 5 feet ) penis. Oh yeah, and there was all those little preppy girls dancing like some fuc*ing @#$%got. They were hilarious. And then me, Audree, Yannick, Raph, Julie and Dominic s Friend went to our house because we suck, or maybe because we wanted to be sucked.. And The bunch went to the titties Club… Ok I dont exactly know what happened but I heard that They had fun.. So we left, and we go in the car… and we finaly listen to some f*cking real music.
Prompts :
-Dominic s Friend Cause he is a Lopette
-Mr. Asselin and Missis Lapointe for paying for everybody at The Peel Pub
-Myriam for now being the Lucky Girl owning my body
-The Twiggs and their 2 friend for… not using my sister as a sexual object ( I hope )
-Mistress Yannicke Lapinte because he won
-Jonny Chu because he has once again proven to be a very good player. And he like to throw me.
-Clint cause .. he look bad
-Ghetto Leader cause I am his puppet
-Matt Sokol because he told me the secret why people go in college… can you say : Sexual Relationship with a female !!! OH YES BABY !
-Pat Dinelle for the Command Card
-Everybody who came. Thanx a lot, it was a lot of fun
-Andrew and Max for doing a good job.
-Raph cause he ALWAYS perform well at big tournement.
-Also a thanx To Bastian because he has show me how to play the best deck at Rampaco Con… WYS Beat
-Gogolen for finishing first before the final
Slops
-Mike Gemme because now my sister go in my room to use my computer to write him some email.
-Those guys that broked Greg’s Window. They f*cking suck dude
-Jonathan Marquis and Martin Paquette because they did not show up.
-Me cause I admit I was really stupid doing what I did in front of Audree. Sorry
So The next week I go out with Myriam to the movie. We decided to see the movie American pie 2. THIS WAS A BAD MOVE. Cause she had seen the Real Sherminator talking, and now she knew that I had mimicked him, and that he was cooler than me. But after that I counter stroked by saying Asta la Vista Baby. And that was just too much for her. So she was forced to kiss me…. Dude Those word are powerful. Never underestimate the power of the Dom-inator.
Some other of my favourite sentence include :
-1- The Dom-inator detect potential breast implants, lets toutch them
-2- Hey baby, call me Mr. Testosterone
-3- Tou Do Tou Do Tou Dou, (wait half a second) Oh yes I love Potato !
-4- I know you would like to suck me more , but there is plenty other girl waiting, so hurry B1tch!
you can also find more in my book call * How to play In a Porno Movie * by The Dom-inator. They are 19.99 $ I accept Visa ( just send me the hole credit card). Cash, Money Order and PAYPALL.
It will make you a better SWCCG player ! I promise. Once again this tournament proved that it is important to have Sex before a big tournament... OH YES !
And the week later, I also did a Interview With The Great Yannick Lapointe. Cause he was the winner. Here it is :
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1-Yannick, why do your mother call you the crusher ?
Well since i like potato, my mother always ask me to crush them wit the potato crusher....now you know why:P
2-You are consider by alot of player to be the best player of the world at swccg... why do you suck so much at magic ?
Because i dont have skill in top decking
3-What is the size of your braw ?
Well, 40 but witch nipples ? my left is B right is CC
4-Would you like having sex with a chimpanzee ? and why ?
No i prefer beaver, they smell bad on the outside but inside hummmm you feel good and after the job done they suck you @#$% with those huge teeth you fell fresh and clean:)
5-what is your favorite swccg card, and why ?
Tusken raider awsome, they get stronger and stronger each time you add more( perfect for gang bang)
6-Dominic is crazy, why don’t you kick his butt more often, after all, your his master, you own him ?
Because when i kick is butt ( not only with my foot:) he scream like a little girl and i prefer little boy:P
7-Where is the coolest place where you had sex ?
In the ass...ho! you mean like a location, this is tough, i love doing it a kangourou pocket
8-What is the size and the weight of your penis
Before my operation 4 foot and after 10 foot
9-Who is the stupidest and useless player you ever saw
The list is so @#$%ing long, le chat botté is pretty good at it ( he is a gay @#$%got who lives in a house, and he wish he would live in my butt hole)
10-Who do you think are the best player of the world, and who would you like to play
I dont think there is a BEST player but iam not far from it (if i can stop smoking weed and playtest a little instead)
11-What is your favorite deck type ? Agressive or Control. and why ?
I like deck that @#$%slap your opponent in the eye.
12- If you could beat anyone with a baseball bat, who would it be ?
I dont need baseball bat but i would kick anybody @#$% who step in my way.. Or use my 10 foot penis and give him a big @#$%slap
13- After I had beaten your Senator deck 10 times in a row before the DPC, you told me the deck record was now 3-14 . is it really your mom that you beat those 3 times ???
actually it was 2 win 69 lost, the first win was against a fork when she refuse to give me food i challenge it to a sw game and i beat her a$$, the second one was against my mom she tought she was playing Goldorak ccg and i totally crush her when she was wondering why chewbacca was in her deck
14- Remember the servey you did. you said that the top 4 sexiest player are Joe Alread, Brian Hunter, John Hawkins, and Ti-Gars. why did you put ti-gars on number 4 ???
Actually ti-gars was first for the last 5 year but after he refuse to gave my morning blow job i have fired him, but he is so sexy that i have hired him again, but in 4 place
15- do you prefer speedo or boxer and why ?
that a stupid question everybody knows that boxer are more confortable and sexy so i prefer speedo
16-why did you decide to play with profit podrace ?
I did not choose it is Martin Constantineau who force me to play is deck or he will make a comeback and c0ckslap us all
17- Why is Martin Constantino your idol. Is it because he was the first Quebecers to reach 1200 rating ???
no, it is the awfull smell of his mouth impress me
18-thanx salop for your information
Suck My @#$%
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So thats all for the interview of the Crusher, I tried to be serious.. I swear
So all those summer con are over. I hope to see everybody at world championship. With our Super play testing we will be fully operational.
BYe Guys
Ill Be back.