hot-springs-ar-9-21-newbie-training
Title: hot-springs-ar-9-21-newbie-training
Author: Brandon "ReDnEcK JeDi" O'Neal
Date: Sep 26, 2001
Rundown on my decks:
Light - It’s my TiGiH/JBYAU (Junkin Blew Your @#$% Up) with main beatdown and forfeit out the butt with Savrip. (I never got Savrip rolling though.)
Dark - It’s a newer version of my huntdown, with more of an anti-Jedi aspect. TC-14, Destroyer Droids, Mauls and Vaders for the Jedi, and a butt load of Ability three Imperials with plus three forfeit cause of Do they have a code clearance?
Game 1 My Junkin Deck vs Cody’s Court
His hand starts good, cause I can see the look on his face. I get the normal starting hand, except two downsides. A grenade but no Junkin (this happens a lot), and both of my Home Ones. If you are wondering why I have two, refer back to the Savrip. He gets Mara and stick down first turn to the chamber, then draws. I have a decent beat down force, so I activate mine and plot out what to deploy. I drop Qui Gon and some scrub but don’t battle cause I want to wait til next turn to lay the beat down. So he drops Xizor and Bane and screws over Qui Gon and the scrub cause I get one of my homosexual destiny zeros. So, next turn I use some saved force plus what I already have to drop second Qui Gon and Lando w/ Axe. He battles his turn cause I was waiting again, and didn’t battle. He misses chop on Lando, so I exclude Mara. I whip Xixor and Bane, so he gives me a card. He doesn’t do anything his turn, so I drop Wedge and ship to Endor. His turn he drops Zuckuss in Mist and kicks Wedge in the nuts. So, I’m angered at this point for Wedge dying. I drop Panaka and Ackbar to help Qui and Lando. Bane is still there with some scrubs, so he probes. He only has to lose some annoying weapons cause of Inconsequential Loses (homosexual card, really hurt me). Next he drops DLOTS and Tarkin. He decides to be funny and probe Panaka, then choke him. I fail my exclusion and become angered. Next turn I lay down with Junkin/Grenade, and scrub. I battle and draw my 2, so I subtract one, and kill DLOTS, Tarkin and some other destiny one dude (ALways happens, and guess who is always left to die?), DrE gets rapped, but he has homosexual weapons so he doesn’t lose anything. After much battling I have Qui Gon left, he drops mattle. We exchange battles for a while, and I rack up 4 cards for dueling. He drops Bossk to Kashyyyk to add to drains. I start to move Luke over to hopefully have Vader capture him. Then, Cody decides to be funny again, and have Tarkin capture him, while running Vader as far away as possible. So, Tarkin runs to Sarlacc, where Luke is eaten, along with Tarkin. That’s the end of me.
Full Loss by 20
Highs - Junkin Blows stuff up
Lows - Homosexual weapons
Game 2 My Hunt Down wit Droids and high-ass forfeiting Imps vs David’s Jedi Beat Down with that new objective for Watto’s place (I forgot the name, only played against it once.)
Cody keeps ranting on about how bad David’s deck is going to own me, but I laugh it off. First turn, I get no characters in hand, I’m pissed. He gets off slow too, fortunately. I draw up for 4 turns before I get a character, and guess what, it’s TC-14, I’m joyed. So, 6th (nothing happened before then) turn I draw a gold mine of characters (Vader, Thrawn, and a bunch of scrub ability three Imps). So, he gets Yoda and Plo Koon to the Jedi Chamber and sets up at Watto’s Yard. He drains a bunch and flips with no resistance from me. So, once I save up enough force I lay down at the Junkyard. P-59, DLOTS, Thrawn, and two Imp Scrubs. He has Qui Gon, Lando w/ Axe, naked Threepio, Shmi and some scrub. Battle ends with a near draw, so I lose my high forfeit scrub, and he loses naked Threepio. He drops some scrubs next turn, and battles again, I lose Thrawn. I drop another Imp scrub next turn and can’t battle due to lack of force. So, then I drop another Imp scrub and battle. So, I lose Piett to the battle, and he loses naked Threepio. Next turn he whips up on me and I lose P-59. I lay down a Destroyer droid and P-60 with TC-14 but can’t battle. Then he runs to Obi’s Hut and runs Plo Koon over there. I follow suit and battle, I am laughing cause he keeps losing force when I shot his scrubs with Destroyers, but then I become angered when I keep drawing a 6 and a 1 to chop his Jedi. I forgot to throw in the defense value -1 thing, so he had it lucky. After much battle, I decide to duel Obi Wan (Coruscant), I win, then, he plays the most annoying card in existant, A Jedi’ f*cking Resiliance. I get angry, and kill off all of his guys in two battles, thanks to the forfeiting of more Imps. So, I have a Maul, Darth Vader, Tarkin, and a scrub left on table. I spread out to drain, while he runs to my Naboo: Battle Plains or whatever (I had a bunch of two/two sites for Nemodian Advisor). Then, it’s just a drain race, and time is called, I have 9, and he had 5.
Highs - Having a butt load of strange battles
Lows - No characters I could use until 6th turn
1(11)
Game 3 My TiGiH/Junkin Whip Down vs John Diggs character drain
As Cody said, this guy was a newbie. His deck was all characters and various sites to drain at. I swear his only mains were Vader w/ stick and Boba Fett. I guess he could tell my deck was based around battles, so he starts massing a bunch of characters at Yavin IV: Docking Bay. So, I save up a lot, and eat his drain of one (It was so painful...), then I lay down one of each main, and, Junkin/Grenade. I battle, and most of his characters are destiny one, so, I draw, and blow most of them up, leaving like 3 ability one, so he gets no destiny. I have a chopping/shooting spree and slaughter him, he tries to Ghhhk, but can’t due to Draw Their Fire, and he has no force. I laugh and spread out. I drain him three most turns at his own sites, and win. But, I was retarded and forgot to get Traffic Control out, so, I have a massive hand and a bunch of characters on table. I only win by 11 cause of my being retarded.
Highs - Laying the beatdown
Lows - Whipping newbies is losing it’s fun
2(0)
Since we finished fairly quickly I trained a newbie in the art of playing. We spent half of the day teaching Magic players to play, some learned easy, others sucked bad.
Game 4 My Dark Hunt down Imps vs George’s QMC/Please rape me
His deck wasn’t the kind that screamed "Please insert penis in my anal area!", but, when I played him that’s what it seemed like. He plays that gay helper card, and fails to tell me what it does, and I have no clue cause I never really cared about it before. So, like second turn he flips and I vow to destroy him. He has Leia w/ Rifle, Han w/ Gun, Chewie Pro and a Scrub at Leia’s chamber thing. So, I lay down on him with DLOTS, Tarkin, a butt load of my forfeit fodder Imps. He thinks he is all big and bad and cancels Visage, so I laugh and drop Maul. I battle and choke Chewie, exclude Han with Clash of Sabers, and whip on Leia, only have to losing a crappy Imp, he Houjixs though, and I laugh. He drops Luke, Lando, and some scrubs to the CC docking bay, so I lay down some more Imps, Blizz 1 with a strange Imp piloting, and move my force (Vader, Tarkin, and Maul over). I Trample Lando w/ Axe, then duel Luke and win. So, with my new battle force I lay down the smack on his remaining dudes. Then, I spread out all over his own planet, and drain him to death. It was an easy victory. I win by 25.
Highs - Taking over his own planet
Lows - Sometimes it’s not fun beating the same people over and over.
(5)25
We taught several people how to play, which was good except for those annoying little kids. I support Bobby Bone’s theory, the world would be a better place if we just did more nut kicking, and, that day, some little kids needed their nuts kicked, several times. Anyway, here are the props and slops.
Props:
Taco Bell, we survive off of them.
Junkin for owning ass.
Casey for at least trying to play.
Magic people for learning how to play.
Slops:
Fro for not showing up.
Greg, Brent, and Jason (Lakeside Crew) for not showing up.
Cody for owning me like a cheap whore as usual.
Me for not pulling anything good.
Me for making retarded mistakes, as usual, due to lack of sleep.
There is another tourney this Friday, so expect more.