melbourne-whats-todays-date
Title: melbourne-whats-todays-date
Author: Ronnie "AD-fig" Wilcox
Date: Jan 6, 2002
Pre tourny crap:
Well this begins just before my work holidays i get my second last paycheck and cause of all the crap that went on in my life i decide its time to spend crazy so i buy a box of naboo which sorta looks like theed palace except its naboo cause it has gungan central in it as well and i get some ok stuff like general jar jar ai and artoo ai plus a maul and quigon and other nafarious jank. (i know giles dont use the big words but i got an edukastion). so i build the new objects as you do when you buy stuff and play test with leigh smith. Well this results in me beating his gungan deck thingo which he built cause he got like two boxes and no mauls hahahaha.and then i beat his invasion deck with my like i have a plant deck cause i flip first turn and it has dodges. so i am sorta happy with this jank i created but i didnt think it was tourny playable. So anyway week two of my holidays come around and i got shafted wif my pay so i had no cash so i invited 12 girls to stay at my house for a week for which i popped 4 viagra pills and none of them showed so i ended up brakin my wrists in 42 spots causing me to get limb replacements from like a dead cow or something and i smoke a lot of grass now not that i didnt before. So anyway i call adam to go to the pub but his and mine :P b!atch answered the phone and said his sick so i says were going to the pub ask him and as sure as your sh!t stink he comes. So anyway like about ten jugs later and talking to some hot chicks and an ugly fat one(j lame this one is for you) illy goes home to bed and me and adam rock on. well i drink lots more visit the bank again(mistake 1) we get more booze into us and i keep talking to chicks cause im too gone to play pool unlike adam who is totally trashed and still trying to win his pants back. I go to the bar and this tranny is sitting there and it says to me "how you doing?" in a deep husky voice like it was male and i’m like fine i order a beer and then the tranny goes "How you doing?" again and i’m like you already said that, is that a moe you have their?? and it gives me this horrid look like i just got rid of any pride it happened to have so i feel sorry and give it john lampes number and home address cause i know he eats pillows anytime he gets the chance. so i leave it cause im about to piss myself laughing and i see this other hot chick which i go up to and she irks me and this changes the rest of the night forever eventually it ends up with adam throwing his phone at a window and the phone coming off second best but it didnt matter cause some idiots stole it anyway for some bizzare sex fantasy. adam crashes at my house and my dog rapes him all night. next day i ask adam what hes playing and talk about the aussies thrashing south africa back to the stone age in the cricket cause they rule but it was good to see sth arica to try even though they suck. so i decide to build new decks like a day before dont play test cause its a hot and the decks are a hunt down tie deck which i may post and ABO(aboriginal base operations or australian base operations or just a piece a crap i put together cause it was different to decks ive seen before) which ill post the proper version soon. Anyway after some sort of sleep i go to the tourny. On to the games.
Oh yeah the tourny was held at Australia on collins which really its only like a part of melbourne and its filled with alot of asian stores and american so i dont see the point of calling it australia on collins cause it has an aussie flag somewhere but DAMNNNNNNN the have some hot fuggin chicks with some nice tittys and some good booty that you could sink your teeth into or something else. Unless of course your j lampe who ive never seen a guy like him chase after those old guys so he can bend over for them. You say your just sleeping with them for there money but they dont have any you just a pervert you know how many times john lampe has been caught pooing in his hand and jacking off with it like more than has been to tournys!!!
This guy kevin directed the thing too!
Light side deck: Crap called ABO mains
Dark side deck: Tie down and tickle the jedi
Game 1:Light vs adam amy speed dealing.
this guy loves his speed. Any way im like playing a game of raw deal with stu when the pairing was announced with my dudley tlc deck and adam whines about it so i put a gun in his mouth and he waits so i do my usual thing(this is search for dagobah using ANSB and the the hut next turn get war room and docking bay then hit my opponent) he does his thing which is set up dark deal get beaten on about like twelve times and win the pod race cause we were both racing he won 25 to my 24 so i play a close race and lose 1 JOY!. it all goes back and fourth he drains and i do my battle damage eventually he gets in like a beat and that wins him the game one of my toughest games with him for a while cause i bothered to play his rating is in the high 1900’s and mine is like 1587 or some crap cause i just have fun lately and if you think i’m a scrub i came third in the states and beat adam at kevs tourny before this but of course when i do well at a tourny kev doesnt update so i dont get the points. any way it was a full loss by 7
(you can work out my diff if i remember it later)
Game 2 My dark vs Michael wittin lSCumbat
Well i drop vader and get wakemmeup before you gogo out and he combats i battle get the tie retrieve hemaeroid thing going and theres not much to tell i won by 31
Game 3 my dark vs derek prouts lscumbat
well hes playing like all these 7’s which ends up giving me the kick in the teeth basically i drop maul and he barriers and he rigs two 7’s for cumbat does his thing and i drew like 7 in total so i lose and then he goes and plays mauls demise and draws a 7 so seeing as my deck charcters is maul vader empy janus and vader i get screwed even though it works quite well with the way its set up. he suplys asssssualts my ties and i lose a couple and then i end up getting drained out while doing little damage to him and he wins by 33
so anyway its lunch time and i go look at some wymen while deciding what to eat. i decide on muff but they dont sell that and the women look to busy so i go to asain take away store and she asks what i want and i say sweet and sour pork. What a combo that is sweet AND sour how is this possible to get both together WITH pork AND noodles which contain like dead flies or something in it cause it was rubbery. Any way illy and adam try to steal some but i stuck a fork in thier eyeballs and tell them i dont think they could handle both the dangerous mix of sweet AND sour. any the people that cant finish there games in time finish and they make us slave in the back corner with only minimum visibility of chicks in sight.
game 4 my light vs chian or some one like thats dscumbat
this guy is cool cause he thinks im like totally stupid i get dagobah out and the hut and he goes and says oh are you playing cheese are you about to train a jedi and i rip open my jacket and reveal the jedi master yoda tshirt i won like ages ago somewhere in like the 80’s(well prolly not that far back but you get the hint) and we laugh. i play like out of comissions lots and he is getting annoyed i got these in like this order:prepared defenses(you gotta get this first or you a scrub) bossk in houndths tooth, mast move combo, vader, maul, 4-lom, and then he stuffs up and puts his own boba out of play. i kill most of his jedi and still manage to lose and he bes a bastard and doesnt tell me what i lose by and i dont care cause he crying cause hes playing four grabbers and nver touched my out of comissions which is like sucka. he grabbed my edge and i only have one hjehe heheh.
Anyway me and nadz walk up to level 2 for good ol fashion smoko and talk to star trek geeks about how wizards of the coast are going to make pikachu a star wars character and get his own light saber and force lightning cards. smokes dont last look but the @#$% was fine on this break and we go down and play.
game 5 vs my biatch now dark hunt down thingo
Not much too say about this game except i boarded her once ate her fish boarded her again cause me to be out of commission in a pile for a while and then boarding her again which by then she was totally f......... thats what ya get for jumping on me all the time totally raped!!!
i win by about ah hell i lost track of my score roll a die and work it out ya self.
Good:My stamina for all the boarding
Bad:illy couldnt get up the esculator properlay cause of the boarding and asked me to carry her. two flights and about a hundred meters i dont fink so tim.
ugly: john lampe, lucia, the tranny just to name a few
game 6: illy again(if your too stupid to work it out i was dark this time)
well i play huntdown she plays profit i win.
highlight was the houdini if you dont know what this is dmail me as its unsuitable to post here like half the stuff that is here but this would be too far.
so i end the day 3-3 or something and we all stand around jokin about how kev has rig prize support with glue and stuff. I pull a qui gon with stick and laugh and yell at kev "you missed one sucker" any way props and slops
Props
The Australian pub and beer helping ugly people get laid since 1893.
Beer for being a nutrious breakfast lunch AND dinner
Those wacky chinese for getting Sweet to go with sour. wow
these people because they may write tr: luca, adam, illy(tasty colo), leigh, robbo, rod(only cause my slops section is reserved), chian, derek, terry.
Giles, you missing out on some sweet sweet @#$%.
next is slops if your not old enough for swearing or vulgar language dont read it.
Slops.
I’d like to dedicate this section for revenge you see this total fu.ckhead named John Lampe posted a tr totally bagging me and a couple of others cause everyone hates him and he thinks its mainly me i am going to write a few things here for revenge.
John lampe smells like the toilet after those vile beer sh!ts you get when your hung over but not just the smell of one many.
He likes to get popped up the butt and constantly breaks laws to get locked up to be with bubba!
he eats turds never showers.
He never changes his decks.
He cheats any time he gets a chance.
he is boring to play against cause he is so slow even donald challenges him when he plays.
no one likes him but he claims to have friends at the tournys.
hes from sydney and those bast ards wont take him back.
hes up himself anytime he beats someone good he gets a fatter head, although with a head that size you wouldnt think its possible
The idea of soap and water dont get through to him nor does showers or baths.
I know hes been saying sh!t about me to my friend and your going to cop it lame-o
If you go look on his decktech page hes snuck up on people to make it look like he has friends. hes the one running in on the right!
Well thats enough for this report ill have to save some for next time.
Anyway we all had a good time seeing as he didnt show and the fact that everyone else is there for fun as most people there come with a hang over except me cause i’m just plain out well hung until next time boycott WOTC.